Soft lights flicker on the counter next to me as I work. Some weary soul has come to me. They have walked through my door for a treasured fifty minutes of safety from the world. I study the lines of their back, the creased skin where there are bones out of alignment or problems with the underlying fascia. I lightly touch problem areas to see how much work may be needed to correct physical issues. The moment I touch them I feel the life force that courses through all our bodies the circulation moves with power....I say a silent prayer as I begin my work in awe once again of the beauty of the Creator for allowing me to be so intimate with His children to aide in healing and nurture.
My thoughts sometimes dwell on the one that rests before me in complete trust that I will care for them even though many have never seen me before.
Today my thoughts went to those that I have loved and lost. It seems The older you get so many things are revealed to your heart. So often we expect young people to understand so much more than what they can. The truth I am realizing is you cannot truly understand something unless you walk the path yourself.
I was thinking of my Grandmother. She would talk of how utterly tired she was sometimes as I grew up. How the energy had left her. How I wish I could sit with her at the table once more and hold her hand and say...I truly understand. I wish as a young strong woman I had helped her more. There was so much I could have done for her around her house to ease her load.
I wish I could stare into my Grandpa's eyes once again and not preached a lifeless religion of to do's so he would escape fire. I wish I could have told Him how beautiful he was to me. How much I admired his strong heart. How I wanted to be like him. I wish I had had the wisdom to tell him how much God adored him. What purpose and value he had on earth. I wish I had not let his teasing hurt me but rather used it as an opportunity to play...
I wish I could have understood my Fathers heart while I was young. I wish I would have hugged him more even when He seemed angry. I wish I had not built walls around my heart to protect myself. I did not know he was sick....If I had the chance I would pour encouragement over his life and tell him how great he did in so many things. I would tell him I am proud to be his daughter. I would tell him how special a man he is and was and list all the reasons why so he could hear it.
I would love to see Pop again...to hold him and just be gentle with him. I would love to sit in the porch swing and hold his hand next to my cheek. Before he died the only thing he hoped for was seeing the blackberries come into season just one more time so he could have one last pie...he was 96...I don't know if he ever got that one simple treasure again....I truly understand that one longing...I heard him speak it on an ancient tape I had and it hit my soul ....someone who had so very little who worked so hard on the land...just one pie...I understand Pop....truly I do...
Suffering brings great understanding...hopefully if we keep our hearts soft it also brings strength of character tenderness and compassion. I am aging. Even with all the good things I do for my body now I feel the weight of the years. It has humbled me in a way nothing else could. The strength I am hoping to know is the kind that is internal and eternal. Strength of the physical comes with diligent sessions in the early morning before most people awaken from slumber. Strength of Character comes from every moment where our beliefs move from thought to the road....Dear Lord help me to always put belief into action, help me to take the wisdom gained and use it from now forward....
I told Father how much I missed my loved ones...I ache for them every day. I understand so much more about them, about life....I am trusting that one day I will get the opportunity to have these conversations and hold them near my heart once again. If I could...
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Faithful.....
I want to speak of Barbra....I remember her coming into class that first night fresh from the corporate world to explore the beauty of the human form. She was stunning. I invited her to sit next to me. She reminded me of a China doll, Porcelin skin and the most vibrant blue eyes the color of the Agean sea, long dark lashes and thick dark hair. She was trying desperately to get her paperwork together and catch up with where we were.( At the Medical Arts school they did not start everyone at the same place they just cast you in somewhere in the rotation of learning so it was a scramble to retain everything they threw out at first. ) I remember her very quickly making me laugh or us laughing together over the immaturity of so many happenings. I think we bonded over several different factors...possibly our age and sense of humor, but now I think we saw a common dedication in each other that drew our lives together. I had been on a spiritual journey for years, finding my resting place in my Creator. She was on a journey of the physical . Like me motherhood, work, housekeeping and everything else had taken center stage. The weight of allowing life to just steam roll our days caused the literal weight to weigh down our bodies. Most of our education I think I spent so much of my time buried in chocolate and caffeine. Anything that got me through. I am sure she may have a similar testimony. One day near the end of our learning I caught this gleam in her eyes. She had joined a fit camp. Not being a morning person EVER, I thought she was insane to get up at 4:30 to get her tail kicked , see her kids off to school, go to work then go to school all night.
Truth be told I thought the craze would wear off in a couple of weeks and she would once again join me in study with a cup of coffee and a bag of chocolate.
She did not.
Night after night I saw her taking control of something that had gone awry so many years before. It was more than what she ate. It was a change of heart. New confidence radiated from her face. Something about her tenacious spirit to change called out to me. I had tried to talk myself into believing that I could not change my body...It had been too many years. After graduation and finding employment, Barbra had already accomplished her goals of weight loss. She had trained for a 26 mile marathon. She had done numerous fitness camps. She was a physical testimony of the bodies ability to adapt and change into beauty.
She was eternally in my thoughts. That spirit that spoke to her spoke to me. I chatted with her online one day and she was telling me about the new fitness camp she was joining. I told her we still did not have that in our budget. She said right off the bat," I'll train you!" Just like that my life has changed. I had lost over twenty pounds on my own but I have never pushed myself physically. I needed more. Much more. I needed someone who would be faithful to push me. Barbra saw past my poor eyesight, my pitiful sense of balance, my knee pain to what could be. I think she may be prophetic but does not know it yet. You have to be prophetic to work with someone like me physically. :O) It really is comical. Thankfully our workouts are so early we can barely see each other anyway! I say,"I can hear you but I can't see you!"
I am ever awed at the Lord's goodness. Just when I had the motivation to change He provided a person who would encourage me and push me beyond what I have ever done before. She offers herself free of charge. Yet I will ever be in her debt. One of the things I am struck with about Barbra is her complete faithfulness. So many people have set out on a similar journey with me but none have been this faithful. Many mornings I drive silently through the dark to the park where we meet and nearly each time she is always there a few minutes ahead of me. I see the Fathers heart each time I see that car parked next to the entrance. My eyes have filled with tears over that stability. That is a characteristic of God. How much more I love the Father when I see one of His children able to carry out the responsibility of that gift. No matter what Barbra commits to she follows through. She has to be one of the most tenacious people I have ever met. I am reminded of the story of Jacob in the Bible who wrestled an Angel and held the Angel so tightly and would not let go unless the Angel blessed him. Barbra may have wounds like Jacob did. But she holds on and will not let go. She will be blessed. I am a better woman because of her. My body is stronger than it has been in the last 20 years. I have barely scratched the surface of where I need to go but with her help I am on my way. One day perhaps I will match her steps. I cannot see that far ahead yet...but it does not matter she does. She is my friend and a woman with a heart like a Lion. I am so thankful for her, so thankful for her faithful enduring spirit that pushes me on when I am drained beyond belief and never fails.....I love you Barbra. Blessed is the woman who can be called FAITHFUL.
Truth be told I thought the craze would wear off in a couple of weeks and she would once again join me in study with a cup of coffee and a bag of chocolate.
She did not.
Night after night I saw her taking control of something that had gone awry so many years before. It was more than what she ate. It was a change of heart. New confidence radiated from her face. Something about her tenacious spirit to change called out to me. I had tried to talk myself into believing that I could not change my body...It had been too many years. After graduation and finding employment, Barbra had already accomplished her goals of weight loss. She had trained for a 26 mile marathon. She had done numerous fitness camps. She was a physical testimony of the bodies ability to adapt and change into beauty.
She was eternally in my thoughts. That spirit that spoke to her spoke to me. I chatted with her online one day and she was telling me about the new fitness camp she was joining. I told her we still did not have that in our budget. She said right off the bat," I'll train you!" Just like that my life has changed. I had lost over twenty pounds on my own but I have never pushed myself physically. I needed more. Much more. I needed someone who would be faithful to push me. Barbra saw past my poor eyesight, my pitiful sense of balance, my knee pain to what could be. I think she may be prophetic but does not know it yet. You have to be prophetic to work with someone like me physically. :O) It really is comical. Thankfully our workouts are so early we can barely see each other anyway! I say,"I can hear you but I can't see you!"
I am ever awed at the Lord's goodness. Just when I had the motivation to change He provided a person who would encourage me and push me beyond what I have ever done before. She offers herself free of charge. Yet I will ever be in her debt. One of the things I am struck with about Barbra is her complete faithfulness. So many people have set out on a similar journey with me but none have been this faithful. Many mornings I drive silently through the dark to the park where we meet and nearly each time she is always there a few minutes ahead of me. I see the Fathers heart each time I see that car parked next to the entrance. My eyes have filled with tears over that stability. That is a characteristic of God. How much more I love the Father when I see one of His children able to carry out the responsibility of that gift. No matter what Barbra commits to she follows through. She has to be one of the most tenacious people I have ever met. I am reminded of the story of Jacob in the Bible who wrestled an Angel and held the Angel so tightly and would not let go unless the Angel blessed him. Barbra may have wounds like Jacob did. But she holds on and will not let go. She will be blessed. I am a better woman because of her. My body is stronger than it has been in the last 20 years. I have barely scratched the surface of where I need to go but with her help I am on my way. One day perhaps I will match her steps. I cannot see that far ahead yet...but it does not matter she does. She is my friend and a woman with a heart like a Lion. I am so thankful for her, so thankful for her faithful enduring spirit that pushes me on when I am drained beyond belief and never fails.....I love you Barbra. Blessed is the woman who can be called FAITHFUL.
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